Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
