toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize