Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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