I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
