Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
