he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
