I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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