i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
