I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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