Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
