you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
