my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
His nipple licking is glorious
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