I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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