U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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