So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
