now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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