I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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