she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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