I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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