that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
