just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my poor anus
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
