You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
