nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize