Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?

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(559): View more from California

Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.

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(239): View more from Florida

Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?

(813): View more from Florida

Nah, just masturbating louder

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(305): View more from Florida

I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

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(928): View more from Arizona

On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before

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(214): View more from Texas

Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I’m going to Lewinsky this place

(1-413): View more from Massachusetts

That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying

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