Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
