I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
