**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
