there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The Olympian is in my bed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
