He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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