You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
