Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I could make wine with my vomit
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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