Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
