If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
