I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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