Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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