i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize