I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
