you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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