So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
