He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
