So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize