Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
