He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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