So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want a musical about memes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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