Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
