weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
