Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
