she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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