So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
