I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
