Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
