I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
