Kiss
Puke
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
