My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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