someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
