Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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