you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize