my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
