Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize