it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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