there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
