I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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