Your tits are I can't wait for
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I look better un-naked...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
