planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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