that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
