listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
