I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
