I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
