You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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