four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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