Who wears a wallet chain?!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's shark week go big or go home
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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