I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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