he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
