I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
