He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
