I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there was a trapeze. enough said
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
