just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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