dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
